You Are Enough Just As You Are!

As I work with clients, I am constantly reminded how the bumps and bruises, rejections, failures and disappointments of life can undermine people's beliefs in themselves. It is unfortunate how often we allow a family member, spouse, boss or friend to define who we or are not, rather than holding on to the power of who we are by simply acting on our gifts and self-knowledge.

Life is a continuous, never-ending process of learning and growing in skills, experience, wisdom and compassion. It is not a goal or series of goals; and despite our culture's obsession with competition, it is not a contest either. Yet, our hyperactive society and media constantly glorify the spectacular, regardless of whether it is an outrageous criminal assault or an Olympic gold metal.

Most of use are not spectacular in any category of life, yet we are worthy, lovable, competent, effective, attractive, and smart enough to live lives of contribution, caring and value. The first step to accepting that you are enough just as you are, is to stop comparing yourself to others, good or bad.

1. You are not your car, clothes, awards, job title or bank account; neither are you your failures or shortcomings. There are no winnings without losses, no virtue without faults and no learning without mistakes. Perfection includes all of these and without all of these, how can one ever hope to become wise?

My daughter likes to say that she is "perfectly imperfect" which exemplifies her great sense of humor, charm and outlook on life.

2. The second step to accepting that you are enough is to stop making judgments about yourself or others. YOU ARE ENOUGH JUST AS YOU ARE AND SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!

As you are able to begin to accept your faults and shortcomings as part of your "enoughness" you will be able to let others have their faults and shortcomings without the need to criticize, fix or make them wrong.

3. When you come from being enough you get to make choices, rather than feeling like you 'should' or 'have to' be or do something. This step gives you the space to let go of guilt. Guilt is an arrow that strikes at the very heart and soul of self esteem.

4. The more you realize that you are enough and thus at peace, the less power others have to manipulate you or make you feel guilty. You simply act on your own best thinking and feelings in the moment and take responsibility for the outcome. When you make a choice that has a result you don't like, you get to make a new choice. That's part of the learning process and nothing to feel guilty about.

5. We each have about 150,000 thoughts a day. Very few of those thoughts are original. In fact many of them are like an endless repetitive tape of negative self talk. Do these sound familiar? "This isn't good enough. Who do I think I am kidding? I'm never going to get this done on time."

To counteract this perpetual, negative self talk, it is very useful to break the pattern by inserting a desired, positive message. These are often called affirmations. Writing and repeating them frequently for 30 days can make an astonishing shift in your self image, which begins to shifting everything else in your life.

The following is an example of how to use an affirmation. Change it to fit your situation.

• I (your name) am (smart) enough just as I am.
• You (your name) are (smart) enough just as you are.
• (Your name) is (smart) enough just as he/she is.

Give it a try for 30 days. The more often it is said or written, the quicker and better the results.